Shutting Down “The Voice”
These are the first of many words that will grace this site. I have had this domain and website plan for way too many years without actively doing ANYTHING with it. That is going to change today.
I believe that I, like most people, want things to be perfect. I want every product of mine, ever word, picture, video and sound I make to be the ideal form I have in my head. Too often does this desire to replicate the impossible drive any ambition to an instant halt. I can be filled with a fire to write, to sing, to be creative, but as soon as I start translating my mind’s idea through my hands or voice, I choke. What I see in front of me is nothing like what I imagined. It’s a cheap imitation of what I intended to make, and I want it gone instantly.
“Everyone is going to hate it”
“You sound like you haven’t written anything since middle school”
“You’re boring”
“That looks like something a dog finger painted”
The voice in my head has sidelined a number of creative endeavors I could have enjoyed but never followed through with. When I was younger, the voice was much softer. I think that holds true for everyone. As a kid, every idea you have seems possible. The cardboard airplane you built in the backyard with duct tape is going to take you and your cat into space and it is going to look rad in the process. Fast forward 20 years and that same creation would fill me with embarrassment. The wings flop over, the flames drawn on the side aren’t even visible and are poorly stenciled. It’s not perfect, people are going to judge it and laugh at it. But 20 years ago that thing looked like a bona fide space craft capable of anything.
My point is to say, anything creative has filled me with dread since I left school. Anything where I need to put myself out there and show something that came from inside me feels incredibly vulnerable and terrifying. So what is the solution? Start a website solely dedicated to myself and stuff I make. Some may call it a narcissistic, but I call it exposure therapy. Hopefully with regular uploads to a site no one is aware of, I can start being more comfortable with being me, and not being perfect.
That’s the goal, so here I go!